I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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