I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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