i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
