Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
