So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't deserve a penis
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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