I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
