he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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