is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
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Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
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We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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