3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
