I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
MIDGETS
????
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
