Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
