i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
