I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
