He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
