I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize