ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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