She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
