If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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