Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
