i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
