i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
