he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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