Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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