smell my finger.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
