in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
