Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
