wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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