Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
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My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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