Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
