I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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