Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
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I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
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The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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