Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
