Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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