I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
