the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
