I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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