he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
