god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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