Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
