Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
