I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
