can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
birth control should be required to get into college
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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