I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
