Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
