Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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