I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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