If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
