oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This house was built for laser tag.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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