Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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