I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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