i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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