You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
