Your face is a jimmy john
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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