remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
