Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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