She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
