Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We got so high we made milksteak
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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