She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
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What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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