he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
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Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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