On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
