last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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