I puked a lego.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
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Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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