i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
