if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I smell stomach acid.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
